Today in History

It was on this day, in 1827, when professor Wilfred E. Whippleferry, after accidentally discovering a hydrochloric solution which immediately ate through the oak desk top of the chairman of his department, turned to his assistant, Sidney Binkett, and declared "Well, I guess that's my AssSid."


Local News

Earlier this month, a late afternoon sighting of the Loch Ness Monster, near Gazelle Island, was reported by a group of Nazarene students visiting from southeastern Kansas.  A resulting investigation of the discovery by these overzealous youth revealed the beast was only Rush Limbaugh snorkeling after a family picnic.  Although the incident was resolved quickly and with little uproar, the youth were clearly shaken at the sight of Mr. Limbaugh in speedos and a scuba mask.

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Friday evening marked the premiere of “Survivor: O’Rourkeville”.  Despite having formed alliances with several Chevron cars and an emotionally disturbed artist’s mannequin, by Saturday morning Pinhole had been voted off and exiled to the upstairs computer.  Gwendolyn has been encouraged by this development, but it’s hard for a cat to look cocky when her bandana keeps slipping down over her eyes.

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Also on Friday local toy manufacturers, Milt and Bradley, launched their new “David Blaine” inaction figure product line.  It is recommended that the figure be stored in its original container suspended from a light fixture in a prominent area of the house.  The makers claim that “David” will provide hours of ogling amusement for the entire family, as well as prepare the children for the lack of imagination required as they approach adulthood.  Catheter and Glucose IV Kit sold separately.


Thought for the Day

"Bestos is, Asbestos Does."

Orchard Gump
(Forrest's slightly less intelligent
younger brother)


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