Baptism By Fire
A minor blaze broke out last Saturday night in the baptismal pit at “Reverend Larry’s Theological Emporium and Bingo Parlor”. It seems that the good reverend had been hoarding oil in an underground tank behind the church-slash-clubhouse. Even though the fire occurred just across the Missouri state line, it has been discovered that Larry was originally a founding member of the Presbyterian Taliban in neighboring Nebraska.
Owing to geographic loyalties, Missouri now considers him a spy and is pursuing efforts to either deport him or bring him up on espionage charges. Nebraska considers him a traitor and patrols have instructions to shoot on sight.
An activist insurgent group of high school marching band members has now sprung up around this controversy calling itself Al Cadence. In a release issued by the local All Jazz Era radio network, the band members claim to have no political or religious affiliation with Larry; they simply need the oil for their trombone slides.
Larry has denied all charges and insists that he accidentally discovered this black gold while out, quote, “Shootin’ at some food”.
It probably won't be long before the National Guard steps in and tries to capture him. Then the rest of us will be stuck paying for rebuilding the rubble which was once Missouri.
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Not to worry...Missouri was, pretty much, already rubble.
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I always smile as I read your posts, but this one made me laugh out loud at least three times--at the name of the band, the name of their release, and especially the term "baptismal pit".
Very funny, Mr. Pinhole!
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I'm sure the band will be thrilled that you found their plight so hilarious.
Is there a more appropriate term for that recessed pool of salvation?
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Great reporting, Pinhole. It seems that you got the scoop long before it appeared on the major networks. Impressive work!
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No use waiting until the last minute, or until something actually happens, to report it. That's what I always say...and it's getting harder and harder to work into casual conversation.
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Man, I just hope the good reverend didn't think to take a few hostages!
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I hope that, too. Haven't heard of any missing
candidatescitizens, have you?Reply to this
I think I kicked that guy out of my cement pond last week.
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He was probably scouting for extra storage. You're lucky he didn't blow it up.
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I guess as long as he doesn't name a teddy bear anything which sounds religious, he'll be okay.
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Hey, if teddy can't go to the mountain, take the mountain to teddy. That's kind of catchy; I think I'll use that one again, later.
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