A New Year's Carol
Last December 31st, shortly after settling beneath my comforter, dousing my reading light and drifting off to sleep, I was visited by 3 spirits: The Ghost of New Year’s Past; The Ghost of New Year’s Present; and Hubert, a rather shy, overweight generic apparition with a fondness for nougat.
The first to arrive was The Ghost of New Year’s Past. Staggering under the weight of heavy chains and far too many scotch and waters, he knocked over 2 lamps, fell against the window blinds and mumbled, “You’re shupposed to come with me…”
“Okay”, I agreed. “But, I’ll drive.”
Following detailed directions, within seconds we pulled into the parking lot of the liquor store just down the street and around the corner from my residence.
“Am I about to learn some valuable lesson from a long forgotten holiday incident?” I inquired.
“No”, he replied. “I jusht needed someone with a valid I.D. and corporeal limbs sho the bottles din’t hit the floor.”
Disposing of this creature and climbing back into my warm bed, I had barely tucked the covers under my beard when I felt a nervous tapping near my shoulder.
“Excuse me…(tap, tap)…Excuse me.”
Leaning up on one elbow, I sighed, “Am I supposed to go with you, now?”
“No, no, no”, the spectral intruder insisted. “I’m The Ghost of New Year’s Present. I’m here to see to it that you appreciate each moment precisely as it happens. For instance…Now!” he shouted, as he tapped a place beneath his robe where mortals might possess a wrist, or even a timepiece. “Or…Now!…and…Now!”
Closing my eyes tightly, I flailed against my subconscious for several seconds until, finally, I heard a faint “oomph”.
Slowly opening one eye I saw the outline of Hubert standing in the doorway clutching his midsection. Apparently, in its hasty retreat, the previous visitor had gone straight through Hubert, smearing a little sugary goo on the doorjamb.
I must mention here that Hubert and I have been acquainted for years; even the cat doesn’t flinch anymore when Hubert drifts down the hall. This year I’ve promised him an extra quantity of fruit and nut filled candies if he will keep out the riff raff, so I can get some rest.
But, as an added precaution, this afternoon I’ve scheduled an appointment with a spiritual flailing instructor.
After all, Gwendolyn’s holiday safety shouldn’t be left to chance.
Happy New Year…Everyone.
Ghostly way to move from one year to another, Pinhole. But I will try to enjoy each moment, like this one. And this one, and....
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As long as I keep moving from one year to another, I won't be picky about the method employed.
Yes, enjoy each moment.
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Very enjoyable read! I think this world needs more Huberts. Happy New Year, Pinhole!
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Yes, a multiple Hubert world would certainly add a new dimension.
Happy New Year to you, too, Montucky!
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The Case of the Misleading Lady
Hmph, this is the appreciation I get for singing your praises. (http://www.morphodesigns.com/archives/2007/hot-buttered-blogs/)
Not only is the title misleading, the only female in the whole post is Gwendolyn.
Hubert was pretty cool, though.
Happy New Year!
Mitch
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You mean you haven't been reading my blog long enough to know not to try and make a connection from title to content? You'll learn, I suppose.
Thanks for the link. It's much appreciated, if not deserved.
Happy New Year, Mitch!
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Bah Humbug! I wish they would leave the years alone...I can't afford another birthday!
In spite of having to change all of the calendars around the house....HAVE A GOOD ONE!
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Holy Smokes! Consider the alternative...you can't afford not to have another birthday!
Enjoy the changing of the calendars!
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Happy New Year to you and Gwendolyn, Pinhole! And wish Hubert the same for me, won't you? Even if he likes nougats, he still seems like an okay sort.
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Thanks, Wolf...consider it done.
Happy New Year to you and yours, too.
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Hey Pin- Let Hubert know that he can stock up on nougat here and take it over to your place. I'd hate to see him leave Gwendolyn unguarded while he makes an emergency nougat float (he can't run, can he?).
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Hey, thanks! That would be a big help! And, no, Hubert can't run. But once in awhile I'll zing the cat down the hall backwards to make him think he's broken into a jog.
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Wow, you have a private guard to make sure you can get a good night's sleep? Where do you get a thing like that?
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Sure, I finally got a decent night's sleep...but, there isn't a nougat to be found anywhere in the house.
You could always try 'Spooks 'Я' Us'.
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I tried spooks r us last year... they only had curmudgeonly spirits what ran on an infernal loop and annoyed the dog. Now, if only Hubert had a referral to a good guar spirit... I wouldn't mind paying one in taffy.
Great piece, as always, Pinhole. And a very Happy New Year to you and yours... Also, I've awarded you a Roar">http://happycat7.blogspot.com/2007/12/ive-been-awarded-roar-meow.html">Roar... because you are the lion-ly sort.
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I'm speechless! First The Lemon Cake Award, and now this! I don't know if I have any words of advice, but I'll see what I can come up with.
Happy New Year to you, as well, and thanks for the 'spiritual' heads up.
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