Crêpe Fear
As friends and family members shed irrational fears such as flying, public speaking, spiders and unpasteurized milk; there seems to be no place for these lost emotions to find refuge. Having long nurtured a fondling dread of mulberries, potted meat and a few of the aforementioned family members, I became a likely repository for abandoned fears that are unable to survive on their own.
FDR once said, “We have nothing to fear but 'Fear' itself”.
What a crock of hooey. How about puppets?
Wood, string, paint; all fairly intimidating on their own, but combine the three and who isn’t a little cautious and somewhat paranoid around a marionette? The gnawing silence, and haunting eyes that rarely blink. I’ve yet to win a staring contest with a marionette.
It’s more than a little disquieting that inanimate objects seem to have no fear of me, while I seem to continually wrestle with gnawing unease. As early as the age of eight I was convinced that not only the pitcher, but also the baseball, held a personal grudge against me. Getting hit in the throat by a wild throw did nothing to dispel this notion.
But not all fears are irrational. If you’re leaving on a guided group hunting expedition and realize you’re standing next to someone who bears a striking resemblance to Vice-President Cheney, cradling a Browning® 12 GA over and under, you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t pee just a little bit.
And don’t get me started on Infomercials. Masochistic dead chickens that baste themselves in heated tumblers; people who spray paint hair onto their bald spots. Just try not to shudder as those images cross your television screen; most likely you experience a series of shudders.
Apprehension, dread, then panic.
That would seem the likely sequence of events. Unfortunately, the process isn’t that predictable. Occasionally, panic will completely forget its place in line and try to crowd to the front.
It happens every time I see Ron Popeil.
Popiel has a rival now with that guy, I think his name is Mayes, who hawks everything from Kaboom to putty that fixes pipes that leak! I can't wait till he perfects that spray on hair!
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Oh yeah! Bob "Snake Oil" Mayes! I almost forgot about him. From the looks of him, he actually did perfect that spray on hair.
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I'm glad to know that my fears may not be as irrational as my shrink seems to think they are. And that pretty much confirms that I am right... she really is out to get me, isn't she?
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Don't be so paranoid, Shelly. She's out to get everyone.
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I guess we all gravitate to our own levels of uneasiness. For many years I have been able to stare down puppets and even grizzly bears. Now though, I have to admit the thought of Cheney with a gun does make me uneasy, but it's those incessant drug commercials...
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I know what you mean. They have me looking over my shoulder, constantly.
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Pinhole, paranoia is a venerable creature, siring OCD (the feeling that germs are out to get you if you step on a crack); hypochondria (the feeling that your body is out to get you) and déjà vu (the feeling that your past is about to catch up with you.)
In the company of such progeny, you should wear your fears proudly.
Oh, and check under the bed tonight...
Cheers,
Mitch
P.S. RSS failed me. I didn't know you were back until I peeked at my server logs.
I got some catching up to do.
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The RSS failed?! See! They are out to get me!
If there is anything under my waterbed, it isn't going anywhere anytime soon.
Catch up at your own pace. No rush.
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The only thing I truly fear is a rodent. I can pretty much handle everything else including human rodents, but the scurying kind with the beady eyes sends me running. Come to think of it, VP Cheney with a gun might do the same thing.
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Cheney, rodent...same difference.
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I have no irrational fears whatsoever, so I don't have a clue what you're talking about.
As a Scot, I fear stuff that's really to be feared: an empty Scotch bottle, an Englishman with a smile on his face, a sock puppet that looks like it drank the last of my Scotch, a shrink who looks like an Englishman whose hand is inside the sock puppet while "it" asked me why I like talking to pillows more than drooling sock puppets.
Malcolm
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I'm Irish, so I never have a clue what I'm talking about.
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I once wrote a blog about my irrational fear of unicorns & everyone thought I was kidding. It stems from the movies I watched as a kid...The Last Unicorn & that one with Tom Cruise...oh, I can't remember the name, but it was creepy, I assure you!
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If Tom Cruise was in it, I'm certain it was creepy.
Thanks for the visit, Melissa...and the comment!
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This is the blog I have been waiting for.
Fantastic. Great writing.
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Thanks, OK, Crazy...I really appreciate the nice comment, but you might want to think about setting your standards a tad higher.
Thanks for the visit!
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I love being a single mom. But it's definitely different when you're dating.
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Great post!
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