And Some Have Greatness Thrust Upon Them
Dear Abigail,
It is difficult for me to put into words what it meant to have you, my oldest niece, and your grandmother present when your cousin’s two-year old inadvertently knighted me with the vacuum cleaner attachment. I’m striving to remain humble in the face of the daunting responsibility associated with becoming the first “Earl of Hoovers”. I hope to use the power of my new station to end hunger, foster world peace, and see that Harlan Dingus’s likeness is placed on the plug nickel. Detractors across the nation who forever claimed that Harlan isn’t worth that much shall, at last, be silenced.
Arriving back at my castle (after all, what is a man’s home?) I was shocked to discover that Gwendolyn had discharged all of the hired help, with the exception of one footman. Not being familiar with the duties of a footman, I merely have him open the front door, periodically, yell, “CLEAR!” and throw a live hamster into the road. It’s a small thing, but it makes Soames feel useful and keeps the neighborhood children from playing too near the moat.
I hope you two enjoyed the weekend trip as much as I. Having you and your grandmother along turned the miles into inches, the hours into minutes, and the Fig Newtons into a snack-based organic mulch; but I’ll let that slide just this once. When people inquire of the trip, “Did you drive, or fly?” I simply reply, “Yes.”
Please share this missive with my subjects, as I am weary and must rest if I am to properly dispatch the obligations of my new office.
Your Benevolent Despot Uncle,
”Sir” Pinhole
Between the Vacuum wielding Vader-wannabee and the twisted Pied Piper Roadkill Rugrats, I must admit that you have some very interesting children in this story.
And what's wrong with skinny dipping in the moat?
Cheers,
Mitch
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Nothing, if you like piranha.
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It sounds like your trip was very rewarding and improved your standing in the world. It sounds like the next purchase you need to make is a carriage and four. That would allow you to travel in the style you deserve and give Soames appropriate work!
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Considering my previous standing in the world, there was no place to go but up.
I'll check into carriage and four prices at the local dealership.
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Wow, that's an upgrade of Pinholian proportions. I'm impressed.
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So was I, once the knighting wounds healed.
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My Dear Sir Uncle Pinhole, It's been such an honor to have such an esteemed member of the Hoover dynasty as part of the family! I've always been delighted I was able to be present at your knighting. That trip has been a highlight of my travels - it's always such fun traveling with royalty! See you soon! Abigail
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I'm glad the time spent was enjoyable. Yes, I'll see you soon. I'm sending Soames ahead to arrange living quarters.
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Lord Pinhole, I am honored to be acquainted with one such as yourself. I had no idea! If I were you, I'd be having words with Gwendolyn, as she may have dismissed those manservants necessary for carrying out your duties.
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Gwendolyn quit listening to me years ago. Oh well, I suppose I can purchase slip-ons if I can't find new toadies to tie my shoes.
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Despite the challenge and the darn hard work of your new office, to say nothing of the glory, it is I think, a considerable blessing that it was you and not Gwendolyn who was inadvertently Knighted. I'm sure that, upon due reflection, Soames also would agree with me.
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That's exactly what I was thinking. Thanks for the reinforcement.
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I think that along with this new honor, you might like to consider running for president, too. We have never had a member of a royal family as president. All you need is a running mate and I thought maybe Hugh Hefner could help you out with that decision.
I know some rednecks who are basing their voting decisions on that very trait. think of the success of your ticket. It might change history.
Good luck Sir Pin, I will anxiously await your response.
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I'm undecided as to a vice-presidential pick, but "The Girls Next Door" would definitely be contenders for cabinet positions.
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