We're So Sorry, Uncle Albert
Posted by Pinhole at 4/5/2009 7:29 PM 
Categories: Transitions, honesty, relativity, Humor, Albert Einstein
Categories: Transitions, honesty, relativity, Humor, Albert Einstein
If extreme beige is considered a color then the walls of the conference room were a shade long forgotten by the Crayola® company. Given the soft lighting, the rhythmic rocking of my unbalanced chair and the subject matter of the meeting, I was a little surprised to still be awake.
Management was bound and determined to demonstrate to the home office that the methods that saved Toyota® would improve the profit margin and eliminate waste at our local facility. Numbers being magical entities that bend to our whims, the results were easy to manipulate, though it was still important to go through the motions and acquaint employees with the program. You can’t pull a rabbit from a hat without at some point reaching one hand or the other below the brim.
Since daydreaming is much less conspicuous than sleeping, during the introduction I began to imagine what it would be like if Einstein worked where I do.
”We’ve examined your equation, E=mc², Albert, and after applying Lean principles, have decided, in order to save valuable time, to get rid of the ‘m’.”
”Excuse me?!” replies the genius, his eyes reflecting the same frantic chaos has his hair.
”The ‘m’”, his manager repeated. “It’s got to go.”
”But you can’t just eliminate ‘mass’”, Einstein pleaded.
”Let’s leave religion out of this, Albert. The fact is, cuts have to be made, and we here at Blunders & Drips adhere to the policy that no one is indispensable.”
The disheveled mathematician’s mustache is quivering so maliciously it threatens to slide off his lip. In seeking a Unified Theory he hadn’t supposed that one resolution should be employed for every instance in every industry. A holistic approach was tempting, but surely ethnic differences and religious preferences among employees, as well as regional considerations, might call for at least a review of the plan, regardless how successful it had been in Japan. He had never really been much of a “joiner”.
The slide at the front of the conference room changed, suddenly, and with the speed of light my mind returns to the training session to hear, “Wouldn’t you agree, Mr. Pinhole?”
Crap.
”Honestly”, I found myself answering, “I don’t have the energy for this, anymore.”
(This post is in response to the writing prompt on Terry Heath's blog.)
Randy, when you wrote at the end that this post was in response to a writing prompt, I was so certain that you were writing within the constraints of a theme.
While the prompt does lay out some ground rules, it is obvious that this delightful piece sprang from the bottomless inkwell of Pinholian talent.
The question, I beg, is: "How the heck does anything spring from a bottomless source?
Seriously, this was right up there in the highly creative and highly entertaining department.
Cheers,
Mitch
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Hi Mitch! Long time no read!
And thanks! But, quit looking at my bottom.
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Having been in innumerable meetings during my career ( We called them, "Going down the big rabbit hole"...from Aice in Wonderland) I know how sharp this little essay is. 5 stars!
Count Sneaky
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Thank you very much, Count!
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That is an excellent piece of writing, Pinhole. I'm over to have a look at the writing prompt that prompted it now.
I love the "Let’s leave religion out of this" line. Good stuff!
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Thanks, Shelly! I always appreciate your comments.
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The disheveled mathematician’s mustache is quivering so maliciously it threatens to slide off his lip. In seeking a Unified Theory he hadn’t supposed that one resolution should be employed for every instance in every industry..
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