Run That One About The Monkey Past Her Sometime
In an old episode of the TV series Wings, brothers Brian and Joe Hackett are piloting a plane cross-country with pals Antonio, Lowell and Carlton, an ancient elf who continually whines out questions such as, “If we had descended from kangaroos instead of chimps, would we still need pants with pockets?”, and “What do you suppose they do with those little pieces of metal they punch out when they make a flute?”. About halfway through the flight he asks Antonio, “If a monkey were to bite you what sort of medicine do you think they’d make you take?”
After Carlton explains to his fellow travelers that his mother told him there is no such thing as a stupid question, Brian suggests that he, “Run that one about the monkey past her sometime.”
The caption beneath this image on the internet claims that it’s a “Blobfish”, but I’m positive this guy slithered into the shop last week and inquired, “Mind if I ask a stupid question?”
My first thought was that he already had, though out loud I replied, “They tell me there’s no such thing, but let’s see what you’ve got.”
His offering, “If you were to frame a live chameleon what color matte would you use?”
I was just thinking that Carlton had been dethroned when later that afternoon what could have passed for Blobfish’s sister saunters in demanding a refund for a piece of artwork she received as a Christmas gift. Apparently, over the past 7 weeks she had given great effort to endearing herself to this particular print, but the image found her to be just as pleasant as did our designer/sales clerk. Upon being briefed of our 14-day return policy and shown the framed copy of said document on the front counter, Ms. Blobfish asked, with an edge to her voice meant to mimic a Lady Gillette, “Why would you have a policy like that?”
Please. Who talks in italics, anymore?
Carlton had a new superior.
At this point the painting begins to sob audibly, fearful that it will be forced to spend eternity with the Blobfish sibling and any spawn that might be involved. Taking pity on the defenseless piece of art, rules were suspended, the refund allowed and, as they say, “All’s well that ends well.”
So many questions…
This definately is not a blobfish. It is actually a polymorphous, excremental fantasy that needs a puce matte and a reclaimed- barn frame, exactly what a chameleon needs is a foil matte with a celery stalks frame. You think? I do like your "badminton line judge" insouceance. Keep it up.
Reply to this
Thanks, Count. I'll relay your suggestions.
Reply to this
Now that I've indulged in that impulse, let me just say that this post made me think of Douglas Adams.
Reply to this
Not because blobfish sounds like babelfish (it does), nor because the art store scene evokes the bar scene just before the Vogons arrive
Reply to this
This fish looks like some different kind of species lol.
Reply to this
Personally I'd matte that chameleon on a kaleidoscope. Should be pretty interesting to watch! Good to see you out and about again, Pinhole!
Reply to this
Poor chameleon will be in dire need of therapy after about 10 minutes. But worth it!
Thanks, Montucky. I'll be by your place again, soon. Just been hectic around here.
Reply to this
and so many of them stupid!
Great piece, I hope I don't get one of those questions stuck in my mind and have to wrangle with it for too long!
Reply to this
i know what you mean, Ralph. The one about the flute has been bugging me for 15 years.
Thanks.
Reply to this
Um, what's a blobfish?
Now that I've indulged in that impulse, let me just say that this post made me think of Douglas Adams. Not because blobfish sounds like babelfish (it does), nor because the art store scene evokes the bar scene just before the Vogons arrive (it does), but because the dialog is so much like what we encounter in that alien game of cricket...
You are a delightful writer. Where's that novel?
Cheers,
Mitch
Reply to this
I obviously don't deserve a comparison to such a wonderful writer as Adams, but thank you for the encouraging comment, Mitch.
As for the novel, I don't think I can sustain a thought long enough for such a venue. I may work on it someday, though.
Thanks again.
Reply to this
I might have been guilty of asking a stupid question or two in my lifetime, but please... talking in italics?????
Reply to this
I know! Huh?!
Reply to this
Thanks, Count. I'll relay your suggestions.
Reply to this
Really a nice article and a new one that i have read that some thing with out skin look like so interesting and good to read........thanks.......
Reply to this