Song Sung, Whew!
Posted by Pinhole at 8/18/2010 6:03 PM 
Categories: Neil Diamond, Writing, Humor, Thoughts
Tags: Writing Humor
Categories: Neil Diamond, Writing, Humor, Thoughts
Tags: Writing Humor
Everybody knows one.
That person who knows everything, has been everywhere, and if you tell them you’ve milked a hamster they’ve done it twice.
Casually mention passing through southern Nebraska on your summer vacation and they’ll launch into a series of anecdotes about how they majored in Nebraska at college, or actually invented Omaha. Make a simple off-hand remark about a National Geographic special you viewed on matadors and they will reveal, with a click of the tongue and a down-turned smile that implies a reluctance to share such information, “I’m a bullfighter.”
And you want to scream, “NO, YOU’RE NOT! YOU’RE A 57 YEAR-OLD ASTHMATIC WITH A PROSTHETIC LEG…AND YOUR HUSBAND TOLD ME YOU’VE NEVER BEEN OUT OF THE COUNTRY!”
But, we don’t. We roll our eyes and silently wonder what drives these exaggerated claims. Maybe it’s genetic. Maybe they’ve had trouble making friends since they were little toreadors. Maybe they smacked their head on the doorjamb and now think that X-Men Origins: Wolverine is a documentary.
Whatever their motive we never call them on it. We listen, sometimes impatiently, to their tall tales and secretly wish them to be true. And realize that someone somewhere loves them, anyway. Even if they had the personality of a cucumber someone would take their side. And that’s as it should be. Because Neil Diamond was right.
Every garden grows one.
I'm betting that guy was the bull rather than the bull fighter.
TF
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No doubt, Malcolm.
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I know several people like that....is this unusual? Or.....do I just hang out with a lot of crazy people?
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I'll let you be the judge, Jane.
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Randy, I have encountered slightly mutated versions of this personality trait. Your explanation is way better than mine - but ironically related:
I figured that, after a three-martini lunch, the creative bombast was simply pickled.
Cheers,
Mitch
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I think we've all encountered these folks, Mitch. Pickled, or not.
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Hey, my age and prosthetic body parts only make my bull fighting abilities all the more impressive! And I own a whole stable of hamsters. That milk is why I won the Intergalactic Milkshake Recipe contest.
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Uh, huh. What flavor was the winning shake, WV?
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I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. Just like I did when I was the head of the CIA.
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First, I love Neil Diamond. He is one of only a few that I have paid to see in concert--I know, you have seen him eight times.
Second, I used to hate it when old guys would tell "one-up" stories. Now I hate it when I fall into the practice!
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Nope, never saw him. I guess you've got one up on me there, Ralph.
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Actually, if I had ever milked a hamster I doubt that I would want to talk about it very much.
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You're probably right.
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